Photo by Vermin Inc
I used to think I wanted to be an actor. I was in the school play. I did standup comedy once. I loved entertaining people. But they didn't offer Drama in Senior Year so I gave that up.
I used to think filmmaking was my thing. I watched documentaries all the time. I wrote crappy scripts. Pre-Web2.0 days, I even went through and managed to get a list of every film director in California. I have no idea what possessed me to do that. Then I realised that I wanted diversity in my creative outlets, so I changed my mind. Goodbye film.
I used to think journalism was my thing. I loved to write. The way words can come together to create something of beauty.Then I discovered Rupert Murdoch. That idea dissipated quickly.
I used to think organisational communication was my thing. I majored in it, but I had no idea what it actually it encompassed. It sounded kind-of cool. What do you do? I'm an organisational communication dude. That didn't last long.
I use to think I was going to be an SEO nerd. I was going to rise the ranks of the corporate jungle. I would have a cool title and I would go to meetings and use digital lexicon to give me a sense of intelligence. Then I can got sick of it and fucked off overseas.
I use to think I was going to be a wandering nomad for the rest of my life. Going where the wind took me. Smoking weed and having conversations about the universe for the rest of my life. I hated western society. I couldn't understand why people were so focused on their career. Then I ran out of money and had to go home.
I use to think I was going to be a digital account manager. I couldn't pay attention to detail and my boss was fuckwit, so I moved on.
Now though, I am content with not knowing "what I am". Social Media Strategist? Maybe NonProfit Advocate? What does that mean? Social Entrepreneur? Still don't understand what that is. People get too caught up in semantics. Status. Power. Identity. Career: modern day schizophrenia. Manipulated by the words, people miss the opportunity to find their real passion, the essence hidden within.
We chase identity.
Yet it never arrives.
The universe operates in mysterious ways. We cannot predict identity.
Identity is a fluid creature.
It is not the hard object that we imagine. It shifts and morphs with time.
Goals ,likewise, are an attempt to control the future. Some fail, others succeed, but the outcomes cannot be controlled as we so often believe. There are greater forces working behind us.
I use to think that I had to be 'something' to prove my self-worth, but now, I am realising , that I just have to be whatever the moment offers.
The rest will sort itself out.