Wednesday, June 30, 2010
After a sporadic five years writing on Passenger, I have decided to closed it up.
I am done.
I have gotten a lot out of writing here. Travel thoughts. Reflective insights. A place for me to ramble when I was depressed. It is seen a lot of me.
However, I have come to a point in my life where I want less distractions, less projects, less half-completed things.
I want to align my digital activities.
Make them all one and the same.
I don't need to hide my alter ego - max_edwards - I can embrace/share/be all of time in one place.
So that's it.
See you later
Monday, May 17, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
dude, I'm hearing the same fucking excuse over and over. Stop thinking and do something. Anything. Take advantage of one of these opportunities. just one of them, who cares which one. just pick one. Then you can have some money to buy a laptop or whatever. Action proceeds clarity man.Don't cruise, decide what you want to stand for and make a stand. If it's yourself then awesome, go get a job so you can buy the shit you need to get you out of this space. Stop being so fucking righteous in that I don't want to work a 9 - 5, and then bitch about not having money and the things you 'need', because you would be lowering your standards or whatever. Do what you have to do. Ring a whole lot of people and ask for some speaking gigs. DO for YOU. Stop putting other things first and take action that will move YOU forward.You know what you have to do. You just need to grow a pair and go after it. Feel the fear and go fuck you and do it anyway.Coming from this place with total love brother. Stop holding yourself back.
Monday, January 04, 2010
Nature's Wisdom: A guide to waking the fuck up to the answers that are right in front of you. (Rough notes)
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Sunday, December 27, 2009
"The Highest Calling, perhaps, is to be true to oneself"
Drawn towards all-involving professional life
Career or life interest usually in 20's -> capable of scarifing a great deal for it, particularly in terms of inward, personal growth. (Thats not true - I am always about personal growth. My "career" is my personal inward growth. No dichotomies .)
May see life to serving others -> in fact drawn to excitement and adventure. (VERY TRUE)
Once they find their calling, they follow it, wherever it leads them.
Must choose work carefully.
Maintaining a strict set of ethical principles constant with traditional human values. ( Coincidence that P5 was all about bringing human values back to work/life?!)
Many identified with a cause, willingly to give up personal identity. ( Maybe. Maybe not)
On the other hand, some Jan 12th absorbed in themselves, when it is their own personality or image, cruical to success of professional plans. ( that is funny because my online 'brand', @edwardharran, is very much a key part in my success thus far.)
Careful not to give the impression of arrogance; more successful with low key approach and heightened sensitiveity towards others
Can be carried away by own ideas. When in losing professionally, liable to hang on this bitter end. Liable to setbacks very hard. ( Have done in the past. Still do I think.)
Professions ( or hobbies) -> often unusual. (Yep. No doubt.)
Successful people born on this day regarded as brilliant + unusual, but a bit strange. (Yep.)
Numbers + Planets: 3 and Jupiter. (No clue what this means).
The Hanged man' - spiritually powerful, deeply thoughtful.
Positive: Recognise limitations and overcoming them
Negative: Spirital myopia and restrictedness
Strengths: Professional, Inspirational, Committed
Weaknesses: Self-sacrifical, preoccupied, unheeding.
Likely to ignore health -> Six months/yearly checkups advised
A Balanced diet -> important
Only moderate physical exercise is recommended, particularly long walks in the open air.(I gotta learn to look after my body/health more.)
Pay more attention to your personal life and maintain strong ethical code
Listen to others
Beware of arrogance/condescension
Dont go off in the deep end professionally - remember work is only one aspect of your life.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
You can't be best friends with everyone.
#understandthedissoncebetweenthearchetypes - the prince vs the nomad
(Picture: Maria and Manuel - Two Spanish folk I travelled with in India. We had this real intense bond. We were all crying upon our inevitable departure. I don't know what they are doing now. I miss them sometimes)
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sometimes I filled with this peculiar, yet oddly beautiful, sadness.
I have had so many people come in and out of my life. Sometimes they come back in again, then go out.
People who I have shared amazing experiences with - now, memories of the past.
People who I thought I would stay in touch with for years to come - now, facebook "friends" that I occasionally stalk, reminding me of life's impermanence.
People who have long left my dunbar150 circle - now, colours in the landscape portrait painting of the past.
And I am only 25.
What remains in the next 25 years?
I don't know - I just can't shake the feeling, this mild remorse, that comes when you see someone you were close to, but through life's inevitability, you both go different ways. I ask myself: could I have given more to the friendship? Then again, maybe not. I am not sure.
The more I ponder this peculiar feeling, the more I am odds with myself.
I can feel it. Dormant feelings waiting to be explored.
Does everyone experience this as I do? A continual flow of people, in and out, coming and going. Or is just me and my reality? The downfall of having an innate curiosity for people: you inadvertently fail to maintain contact with old friends as you keep moving forward in life. Or perhaps my feelings are normal -the inevitable cognitive dissonance that comes when can't you give adequate social grooming to your Dunbar150.
I have always this Catch 22 relationship with "popularity": the gift of connecting with people, at times. left me feeling empty. Over the years, I have organically changing my tacits: I crave quality over quantity. I do my best to be a loyal friend to people that matter to me. But even those people seem to change. Which gets me in this head-spin: is it 'me' who is creating this impermanent flow of people - or am I simply observing the nature of life? Moving, Flowing, Never-ending touchpoints with people. Do I accept this? Is this how is it? What is this pattern I am observing? Do other people see this as I do?
The childhood psychologist in me says that peculiar sadness stems back experiencing impermanence, loss, lack of love early in life. Divorced parents. Boarding School. Issues with my Dad. A clique really.
Then again, I have always experienced such amazing bonds, joy, happiness with others.
Hanging with Japanese Backpackers at my mum's restaurant
My brothers at Boarding School.
My awesome years at IH.
Travelling in Asia.
And, more recently, my Palomar5 family.
It ain't like I ended any of these relationships on a sour note, life just seemed to pull me in my own direction. I still maintain contact with people from various walks of my life; others not so. I am making new friends. Maintaining current ones. And slowly saying goodbye to others.
I guess it just weirds me out - if I have had such a rich tapstery, yet impermanent, tapstery of people in life already, what will my life look like when I am 60?
(Especially in the age of the networked economy when we are all going to be a click away for life. Is that kind of ambient awareness a benefit or a hinderance for our collective psychological life? )
I can't even pinpoint the origin of this thought process anymore.
Am I witnessing the pattern of life's impermanence that every spiritual tradition discusses?
Am I simply experiencing delayed grief from a lack of love in my younger years?
Is this a group dynamics thing - mere cognitive overload when you give social grooming as you would like to?
Or am I doing my head again?
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Whilst walking along Kangaroo Point on the way to Sarah's house, I had this epiphany. I might not articulate it properly, but I will try nevertheless. As I have mentioned before, words/language are not necessarily the only way to communicate what one feels. You have to be content with "language that cannot be spoken." Just because it cannot be conveyed in rationally terms does not mean it is us worthy or less true. Language is just one medium of expression. Intuition another - and often one 'gut feeling' cannot be easily translated to words.
You are always changing.
You are always evoling.
You are always growing.
You are not the same person who were yesterday.
Nor will you be the same person tommorrow.
Change always inside you.
Yet, you are also not changing.
Your essential is always the same. Just mainfests itself in different ways.
You haven't changed at all - rather you have discovered a deeper layer of yourself. Like peeling an egg.
People are always changing.
They come in and out of your life.
Friends of the present because friends of the past.
You don't know who your friends of the future might be. Your friends of the present may continue being friends in the future - or they might become memories of the past.
In and out. People from the past might reappear. And leave. Then reappear again.
Cherish your company, but never be attached. People around you are always changing.
Yet, at the same time, people never change.
You always grativate towards people who share similar values.
The essential is all the same.
People come back. People leave. You grow. They grow. So, in a sense, nothing changes. It just appears that way. When everyone is going through this process, well, its all the same.
Environments are always changing.
Day and Night.
Eras - School, University, Work, Marriage, Life, Travel. They start. Then Stop.
Landscapes are changing before our eyes. Climate Change. Technology. List goes on.
Yet at the same time, nothing is changing, because the lessons are still there.
The same spiritual lessons.
The same learning from the past apply to our modern context.
So, in a sense, nothing about the environment has actually changed. Just the outward mainfestation.
Change is a paradox.
Everything changes, but nothing does.
My conversation with @CDEgger a few months ago has made me more aware of the idea of non-duality. Nothing is 'this' or 'that'. Black or White. Life is one big grey. Full of contradictions. Everything is right and wrong. Everything is correct and not correct.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
If you are not listening to yourself first, you run the trap of getting off track. We search for the answers outside us, but the answers are always within. Not one knows you better than you - so we don't you listen to you for a change. Fuck what others say or what status quo dictates. If you are don't listen to what your gut says, you run the risk of moving in the wrong direction.
Sometimes your inner wisdom cannot be articulated in words, in language. This is fine. Just trust it - you dont have to show off, or justify what you believe to be good for you. You need to have a sense of quiet confidence that what you must do is good for you. You must be content with the sense of solitude and trust in your own wisdom. Listening to others, getting advice from others, is only effective once you listen to yourself first. Only you know yourself. Everyone's view is tainted by their own perception, their own life experiences, their own views. They are not you. They don't know the intricatites of your mind, no one does. So stop trying to find the answers from others all the time. Stand up, look inside and listen to yourself. Do it.
You can read every book imaginable.
You can get feedback from others. Get advice. But the best advice is from yourself. In our logical and raitonal world, we have lose that ability to listen to what we already know is best for us. We must trust our own inner wisdom. Who cares what others think? If you are always living to others expectations, you are destinted for spiritual failure. Take others' advice with a grain of salt - be apperciative but dont be attached to their words. Underneath their motivations and experiences that brought on that advice. Only then can you take what you want from their words. Only when you have self-awareness of your own mind can you appericate the minds of others.
So , stop.
What is your gut telling you?
What is the right path for you? There is no good or bad - dicthomies are a myth.
And listen to yourself.
Cause those who listen to themselves are destinted for greatness.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
So I am going back to Brisbane on Saturday. Mixed feelings - more on the positive side, of course - but a little mixed nevertheless. A tinge of nerves. I have no doubt everything will ulimately be fine, but the butterflies still there.
As I was saying to my mate, Did, yesterday, I have really enjoyed being back home this round. I usually trend it. But I actually enjoyed the peace, the shanti'ness, time to reflection and get better on my terms. The initial month or so was tough; relapses left, right, centre. But deep inside, I knew I would overcome. Probably cause I had overcome it last time and came back bigger and better than ever. Seems like the same process is happening again. I feel more self-aware. Stronger. Focused. Determined. Compassionate. Failure and darkness teaches us things in a way that success never can. I have done so much goddamit reflection while I have been put here - I feel personally and spiritually a bit wiser. Maybe. Maybe I am kidding myself - the process of growth never ends really. Plus, I have had freereign geeking, which has proves to be a nice "cost-benefit" to my skills/knowledge/opportunities.
Right now - I have three opportunites in the works:
Palomar 5 - If I get it, I'll be going to Europe
SWY - If I get it, I'll be going to Japan, India and United Arab Emirates
TOTO - If I get it, Ill be going to Bangelash or Cambodia
So I figure there is a good chance Ill get at least one of them. Will satisfy my nomad archetype.
Challenges that I need to look out for:
- Money and Cash Flow
- Maintaining Slow; Not going too fast and/or burning out.
-Enjoying 'NOW' - not the future and/or craving about the past
- Working on projects that matter to me. Learning to say no and not getting distracted by the irrelevant. Your focus: social media and social innovation. Everything else - passion-wise- is secondary.
- House - Mainly because of messy situation last night. Wanna be a good housemate
What am I exicited about:
- Hanging with Brisbane buddies and started afresh again. Building relationships that matter to me. Being content with the nature of change.
- Geeking. (of course)
- Enjoying the Now
- Having exicitment and adventure
-Contining to learn and grow
All right, this post was a bit incoherent, but I just wanted to smash something down on the keyboard.
Anyway talk later
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Why are 1 out of 6 Australians on an anti-depressant?
What has mental illness risen by 4000% since the 80's?
Are we going insaner as a race, as a species?
Or is society to blame - our incessant need for speed, our addiction to achievement, our disllusions about ego?
How can we fix it?
How can we create a world that allows people to be?
To be themselves?
How can we alleviate sufferring?
It saddens me to see people in pain? Because there is so much beauty around?
How can we fix it?
What is the underlying and fundamental causes behind the tide of mental illnesses?
Surely, 'tis not entirely our fault.
Is it our education system - the pressure to conform, to succeed?
Is it our societal norms - that don't accept diversity, our individualistic culture centred around ego?
Is it our parents?
How can we create a social revolution to change this? Rather than put band-aid solutions on mental health, how can we address the issues behind the rise in mental illness.
What is fundamental wrong with our systems that trigger this?
Have we lost meaning in our lives? is that it?
I want people to be happy. There is no real reason to be depressed especially in the developed world where we have so much.
Is it our scarcity/abundance mentality that is warping our heads?
Is it advertising that turns wants into needs?
Is media to blame? How can we create a better media - one that inspires rather than compares. one that serves rather than brainwashes. One that enlightened rather than stupidifies.
I believe people are inherently good.
Let's create system that gives people the opportunity to be good.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
WARNING: LOTS OF GRAMMATICAL AND SPELLING ERRORS BELOW. @max_edwards braindumps are messy.
application has changed my life. Opened so many doors - professionally, personally, spiritually. Fucking hell it is awesome
barrier/distance between Brisbane world and Port Douglas world even though I am on social media channels every ten seconds.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
It's so simple, yet so obvious. And when you think about, we are all paradoxes, too.
I am introvert but I have mastered the art of connecting with people.
I have been blessed with focused, intelligent mind, but goddammit, I swear I am the most absent-minded person I know. I forget to call people. Some things just don't click with me, like money: you have to explain it to me 200 times. I am scared of tax.
I am skinny bastard. But goddammit, to paraphrase Mayer, my bodily structure doesn't get me enough credit - I am pretty big in other ways. My heart, maybe.
I am decisive, but I can't make decisions sometimes. Like which Peanut Butter- Smooth or Crunchy?
I am always awry of my ego, but my ego drives me a lot, I take comfort in it.
I love doing, achieving, getting shit done, being busy. And yet, there is a side of me that craves simplicity. Being. Enjoying the moment. Living for the sake of living. Seeing the magic.
I love connecting with people; I have a huge network of friends and acquaintances. But I still sometimes feel incredibly lonely, I wonder why that is?
I am incredibly enthusiastic and positive. Yet, deep within, I know I have a dark side. Frightened, gloomy, anxious - the quintessential lost boy in neverland.
I want to make an impact and change the world. I want meaning, a purpose higher than myself. I want to influence myself and others - enlighten them to the awesomeness within. I don't want to work for the man. Live for just money and possessions - I want something more than that. And, yet, I want money. I want power. I want success. I like business. From a spiral dynamics perspective, I wish I was more orange/red
I am perfectionist, yet I accept all my faults.
I am forgiving, but I can be incredibly resentful and bitter.
I am selfless. I love doing stuff for other people and I, all too often, forget to look after my big rocks. But sometimes I can be quietly selfish. I am always in my head. Thinking about me. 'Special Eddie = everyone loves Eddie, eddie, Eddie, Eddie." Sometimes, when doodling on the phone, I write my signature over and over again. Yep, Selfish.
I love to listen, but holy shit, do I talk.
I am assertive, but sometimes I have trouble saying no.
I want security and stability, but I dream about adventure. Living the moment and going with the flow.
I think I am old for my age, but still fairly young and naive in many respects.
I exert strong feminine qualities (compassion, empathy, listening, love), but I am still a lad's lad. I hang out with dudes more than chicks. I went to an all-boys school. I like fart-jokes.
I am incredibly loyal to my mates. But I will forget to call them.
I accept the impermanent nature of life, but I feel sad that it happens, I still wish permanentness lasted.
I am anti-conformist, I challenge the status quo. I do things my way. Yet, I conform/mould with ease.
I am ideas man. I think big picture. I have internet ADD. I often fail to paid attention to detail. But when the going is required, my focus is bullet-proof. The wield of an axe. Sharp. Intense.
I want a career, but, at the same time, would be very happy living like a Dharma Bum for the rest of my life.
I am fairly relative-time oriented. I like my diary. I use timetables. I have weekly goals. I write To-Do lists. Yet, I understand absolute time. The Nowness that comes with just being. Mediating. Mindfulness.
I am addicted to mental stimulation, but I love quietness. The stillness of the mind.
I am fairly clean, but I forget to brush my teeth. I haven't used a comb in a decade. I re-use my underwear -sometimes.
I am fairly organised. I get shit done. But I am also terrible with other things. My phone is shithouse - I need to get a new one. I consistently borrow money off my friends - and forget to pay them back.
I want more, but I also want less.
I want admiration, but I don't. The danger of feeding my ego.
I get quantity easily. I am popular. I know this. But it has, in the past, filled me with this sense of emptiness. I desire quality relationships - real connection, real meaning, and real love.
I want to be normal, but I am far from it.
I am a living oxymoron.
A walking contradiction.
A fluid, changing creek, melding and moving with my surroundings.
Nothing is - either, or / this or that / here or there. Duality is a myth. What exists, as Christine Egger has kind been explaining to me, is a sense of oneness. Allness. A higher level where everything is one and the same - moving, flowing, existing and moving in different times and places. You have to such run with it.
When you accept your inherent paradoxes, you let go of your fixed identity. You are no longer set in stone. You change as you see fit. You accept it. Life becomes easier - your identity no longer needs satisfaction for it to survive; for it now exists on a higher, more universal plane.
After all, everything is a paradox.
Friday, July 17, 2009
First and foremost – we are human.
It is a basic tenet and understanding that seems to be lost in a world of great uncertainty.
We should celebrate our humanity, but instead we align ourselves with nationality, culture, and ideologies before acknowledging and recognising that we are part of something bigger.
This is not a call for mono-culture, but a call to value the other as much as we value ourselves, to embrace our diversity and declare that we all have something to contribute.
The ‘we are Human’ manifesto expresses a desire for peace and hope.
If we could come to an understanding of who we are, and what we can achieve – then we will begin to address poverty, war and inequality – and the most vulnerable members of our society could be supported to lead whole and rich lives.
Aleem - well done. Inspiring.
What other Mainfesto have you seen that are awesome?
Gen M Mainfesto? Cluetrain Mainfesto? What else?