Monday, May 17, 2010

Reflections from US

I am in San Diego at the moment.
My friend, Morgan Sully, insisted that I have a day of "Eddie-Time" today and graciously offered the use of his house to chill out.

I haven't been doing much today.

Eating. ( Mexican, of course)
Watching Ted Videos. ( I am addicted to inspiring lectures. Not a bad thing, I think.)
Smoking. ( I really should quit one of these days.)
And since it has been a long foray since I have meandered onto Passenger's shores, I thought I would add it to today's activities.

In my head right now, I am trying to make sense of the last few months here in San Francisco and the US.
What did I learn?
Have I grown? How has it shaped me?
Have I moved forward?
What seeds have I planted that could potentially emerge later? Has the serendipity engine been in gear?
What was hard? What were the challenges?
What was exciting? What were the magical moments?
What lessons do I take from it?
Was it worth it?
Is the digital nomad lifestyle really what I want? I feel like consistently having a 'grass is greener' struggle in my head with it. When I home, I want to leave. When I am away, I crave home. Odd.
Did I "achieve" something?

I have had some magical moments here in SF.
But, also, I have had some stressful moments as well. A few dark times. Sometimes I feel so fucking lost.
Is this life?
An ongoing struggle for inner peace. Moments of serenity and equilibrium. Sporadic chaos in between.
On one hand, I want to stay here in the US. There is so much "opportunity", so much exciting, innovative stuff going on.
On the other hand, I don't feel ready to stay here longer. I am already surrounded by opportunities, amazing people - I don't need to chase more to simply feel complete. I already am complete in a sense - I just need to work with what I already got.
I can always come back when I am ready. I do have that American passport handy.

I am looking forward to Melbourne though.
Its familiar but new.
I know good people there and I am looking forward to getting to know them better.
I am looking forward to working on my things - #standards , #gear , #finance , #myprojects.
I want to learn to look after myself. It is the only way I can look after others more effectively in the long-term.

I was reading a book today about 'The Reindeer People' in Northern Siberia.
It dives into the origins and myth of nomadic people.
In one passage, it stated that nomads don't simply wander. They operate in cycles. They move with their movement and setup their locations strategically.

Maybe that is why I intuitively feel the urge to leave SF. It seems stupid to leave all the opportunity behind, but as I realised at Wisdom 2.0, opportunity is everywhere. I don't need to chase it. Its not scarce. Its all around me. I can let go. Stop thinking it is fading at my fingertips. Stop grasping it. Let go of the attachment to it. Just be.

(Easier said that done.)

I have so much learning, growth, development to do myself.
I want to create strong platforms within, first.
I need to understand myself if I am to understand the world.

That is all.