So, here's the deal.
The last few days, I have been doing well, all things considering.
I am back into my old habits: reading a storm, talking/tweeting/emailing people, working (or attempting) to work on projects. I don't have everything sorted out, but I had this sense of calmness this morning that all will eventually be alright. I feel capable. Level-headed. I am not manic or anything - just chilled.
Then this happens: I look through my emails. I start thinking about all the stuff I want to do - digitalforgood, #4change, edurelief, DigitalTransformationConference, Freelance Business Strategy-OpenSource BusinessPlan....the list goes on. I am simultaneously excited and overwhelmed. Sometimes, I launch myself into these things; others I am gripped with indecisiveness and all I want to do is, well, nothing. Perhaps I am reading too much into things.
The point is this: I dont feel like trust myself 100%
My moods are appear swiftly and suddenly.
It is a frustating endeavour when you can't use your intelligence, because you don't trust it right now.
I need patience.
I need to focus. But focus on what? I mean the pyscharist appointment is not for a month. Do I just go into a state of perpertual relaxation? Does that address the problem at all? Am I taking on too much? But I like doing stuff - it what makes me 'me': I enjoy living my life to the fullest.
I feel guilty sometimes.
I think my ego and innerself are colliding lately - maybe that is why I am becoming my harshest critic.
Am I creating shoes that are too big for myself?
What is the solution?
I want to enjoy my life - not be driven by it.
Anyway, excuse this posting, I am just been in my head way too much.
1 comment:
i think you need to unplug for a while. get in a rowboat with a book that doesn't tell you about the meaning of life, spirituality, or the end of the world as we know it. something fictional, something fun. like hitchhikers' guide to the galaxy.
row somewhere and then float while reading your book.
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