So, here's the deal.
The last few days, I have been doing well, all things considering.
I am back into my old habits: reading a storm, talking/tweeting/emailing people, working (or attempting) to work on projects. I don't have everything sorted out, but I had this sense of calmness this morning that all will eventually be alright. I feel capable. Level-headed. I am not manic or anything - just chilled.
Then this happens: I look through my emails. I start thinking about all the stuff I want to do - digitalforgood, #4change, edurelief, DigitalTransformationConference, Freelance Business Strategy-OpenSource BusinessPlan....the list goes on. I am simultaneously excited and overwhelmed. Sometimes, I launch myself into these things; others I am gripped with indecisiveness and all I want to do is, well, nothing. Perhaps I am reading too much into things.
The point is this: I dont feel like trust myself 100%
My moods are appear swiftly and suddenly.
It is a frustating endeavour when you can't use your intelligence, because you don't trust it right now.
I need patience.
I need to focus. But focus on what? I mean the pyscharist appointment is not for a month. Do I just go into a state of perpertual relaxation? Does that address the problem at all? Am I taking on too much? But I like doing stuff - it what makes me 'me': I enjoy living my life to the fullest.
I feel guilty sometimes.
I think my ego and innerself are colliding lately - maybe that is why I am becoming my harshest critic.
Am I creating shoes that are too big for myself?
What is the solution?
I want to enjoy my life - not be driven by it.
Anyway, excuse this posting, I am just been in my head way too much.